JKLOLOMGWTF

Everything was mostly roses for my last post. Good lesson, good things to work on, horse is feeling relaxed and ready to take on the show season. He had Friday off, and then went back to work over the weekend.

never go to emma for bonnet bling support. she'll be like, "you can do it!" and
you'll be like, "bitch, if i stab myself in the face with this needle one more time
i will come and find you and cut you."

But lurking in the background of every day Bobby life has been Fungus Leg. It could have its own instagram if it wouldn't make everyone vomit to see its face. Even Farrier calls it by name when checking in to see how Bobby's feeties are doing (Fine, by the way.). Fungus Leg has been seen by the vet twice already this year. We've done SMZs, we've done prescription shampoos, Desitin, antifungal creams, leave this on, take this off, scrub it twice, don't scrub it all...you name it, it's been tried.

The shampoo helped a lot initially. It stopped the balding on the cannon bone and ankle, but it didn't really clear up the scabs. The Desitin seemed to help with that, and we're mostly scab free around the pastern and ankle. So far, everything below the knee seems to be moving forward. Slowly, slowly forward, but healing.

The knee? It. Is. Fucking. Disgusting.

couldn't leave his stall until more candy was inserted 

The main problem seems to be that the leg is reacting to the fungus by swelling overnight when he's in his stall. It causes the skin over the joint to stretch and then crack open so nothing is getting a chance to heal because, you know, his knee is an integral part to him moving. I thought I was on to something when I went back at night to wrap his leg to keep any build up from happening. Relieve the pressure of a fat knee on the skin and everything will have a chance to knit shut for good. That worked for about three days before the swelling was like, "Can't settle in the lower leg? I'll just move up to the forearm and settle directly on the knee." That being the complete opposite of what I was aiming for obvi.

Through this all Bobby hasn't acted lame due to the fungus side affects. Occasionally he'll walk a little stiff until he's moved around enough to knock the fill out--movement being the only surefire way to kill the swelling, but then of course the knee is moving and cracking open all the scabs trying to heal. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

you can kind of see the offending knee here.

This weekend, though, he kind of lost his shit.

multiple times. 

I got off both days feeling completely defeated and like the worst rider on the planet. He's been going so well and been so relaxed in his work that to have him revert back to last year Bobby, who was too tense to ask anything of and we basically just tried to survive every movement, made me feel like the biggest failure ever. We'd taken approximately ten thousand steps backwards and I felt for sure I'd undone all of BM's work with us.

After having a serious pout on Sunday, I came in Monday with a plan. I shortened my stirrups a hole since in the pictures I could see that I was using them to brace against him the second he started tensing up which obviously helps nothing. We had a long, long walk warm up since his leg was fatter than normal, and then we moved on to the trot.

Only he didn't want to trot. He wanted to canter. His answer to everything was canter. And if I shut him down, he got furious and threw a fit. Coming off a weekend where I already felt like a shit rider, I gave up. I got into half seat and let him rip around the ring while I quietly cried and ignored him until he finally settled down--a solid fifteen to twenty minutes later--and trotted on his own. Then I had to get off and cool him down since he was drenched in sweat and blowing, and I felt even shittier.

And shittier still when I saw that his knee now looked like raw meat. I immediately got on the phone with the vet and scheduled an appointment, and then shoved Bute down his throat as a last ditch effort to combat the overnight swelling.

He's not getting ridden until the vet comes out. He's still not lame, but I can't even bring myself to do more than glance at his leg to make sure it's not about to fall off without hating myself and hating him a little.

He goes out in a huge field with a rowdy gelding that he plays with all day. He shouldn't have this crazy amount of excess energy he needs to burn off. I got him his wedges back to make his feet comfortable again. I ditched the jumping so he wouldn't be sore. I'm in a good program with an incredible trainer that's making me ride him fairly and correctly. If he feels even remotely lame, he doesn't get worked.

CAN YOU NOT THROW ME A FUCKING BONE HERE AND JUST MAKE MY LIFE EASIER, BOBBY?!

it can trot around like a second level horse when not flinging itself around.

All that is to say that Sunday's show looks like it might not be happening. Unless the vet can work some magic and make this knee look presentable enough to go out into public--and obviously get Bobby feeling more comfortable with it since I can't imagine it feels great in its current state--I'm going to have to scratch him. We're already going to be missing two of the shows that qualify for year end awards for various reasons, so I'm being a selfish child and being exceptionally bummed out about the prospect of having to miss this one, too, and potentially not getting to enough shows to yet again to qualify for giant ribbons.

Please stop costing me money, Bobby. Or at least be nice to me while you're doing it.